Who knew that when I finally met Maggie Bishop in person that she would invite me back to Dames of Dialogue to discuss menopause?! Ha!
Where to begin? First, let me tell you that I endured menopause symptoms for over seven years—not funny at all at the time. AND I hope yours is over in far less time. The good news: this, too, shall pass. Now that I’m on the back side of it, I can laugh out loud and stop having a heavy coat and a bikini at the ready for switching off every few minutes throughout the day!
I’ve always been hot-natured, but I wasn’t prepared for the Fires of Hell moment with vapor fogging my spectacles while I was in deep discussion with one of my high school student’s parents, trying to be the super cool and in-total-control principal-in-charge. I’d quickly thrown off my glasses, hoping they didn’t notice the fog on the INSIDE of them. And speaking of cool, five minutes later, I’d reached for the wool sweater on the back of my executive chair to ward off a chill…in August! This happened many times over the years.
Then there’s the hair. OMG!!! When did hair on my arms get as black and thick as a tarantula? Does this stuff sprout out during the night while I’m thrashing about between freezing and kicking all the covers off the bed? Yes, honey, I REALLY did run naked across the backyard. Now I’m cold.
Ahhh! Hair on my nipples? Seriously? Are you kidding me? Whiskers on my chin? Where the hell are my tweezers? Wait! I can’t see! I need a magnifying glass to get the bitches!
All this stressing just makes it worse. Where’s hubby? He no longer sleeps with me since I can’t be still and I make him hot…in all the wrong ways. By the way, Bub, LEAVE THE AC ALONE! It’s my house, too, and I’ll move the thermostat up or down by ten degrees any time I feel like it! Did you just ask me if I’m in the mood? In the mood for what? Yes, I am. Wait, no I’m not! I’d rather have a fast food combo.
I love to laugh. It’s supposed to keep us young and be so good for us. Laughter does make me feel better. And the panty liners that absorb a hint of moisture or leakage? Mine are now gel packs to wear all the time just in case I laugh (or cry) and wet myself. I recently got caught in a rural mountainous area and nearly soaked myself before I found a questionable station with an untidy restroom. It happens. So I ordered a device—a rubber funnel—no kidding! It allows me to stand up and PEE LIKE A MAN! How liberating!!
I took these experiences I survived and wove them into Slightly Cracked, my first women’s fiction, about two lifelong friends going through menopause and so much more. Early reviewers think the book is hilarious with plenty of pathos. I’m proud of that. That’s the reaction I wanted. As is the case with my Logan Hunter Mystery series, Slightly Cracked is set in North Carolina where I live. It’s available in print and eBook formats. I hope you’ll check out my web site at www.susanwhitfieldonline.com and my blog at www.susanwhitfield.blogspot.com.









38 comments
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October 22, 2012 at 8:24 am
Susan Whitfield
Thanks, Maggie, for having me over.
October 22, 2012 at 8:57 am
Sarah Byrd
Loved it, loved it, loved it… tell it like it is girl. Can’t wait to order “Slightly Cracked.” Keep writing. Sarah Martin Byrd
October 22, 2012 at 10:39 am
Susan Whitfield
LOL, Sarah. Thanks so much for visiting. I hope you enjoy the book.
October 22, 2012 at 9:07 am
laurelrainsnow
Slightly Cracked sounds like a must read! Having survived the menopause awhile ago, I am definitely ready for those laugh-out-loud moments! Thanks, Susan, for making me grin on a Monday morning.
October 22, 2012 at 9:39 am
christytilleryfrench
Susan, I feel like I’ve been in menopause forever and panicked when my doctor said it could last as long as 10 years! Dang! Loved the humor in this blog and really look forward to reading “Slightly Cracked”. Congrats on its release.
October 22, 2012 at 10:41 am
Susan Whitfield
10 years? YIKES! I hope it ends soon, Christy. Laurel, I’m glad you got a few laughs out of it.
October 22, 2012 at 9:55 am
LJ Garland
Susan, love your sense of humor. Slightly Cracked sounds like a must read.
October 22, 2012 at 9:56 am
Jacqueline Seewald
Those hot flashes at night are murder! Mostly, women don’t seem to talk about it, trying to ignore the misery. But it can be humorous as you observe–once it’s over!
October 22, 2012 at 10:42 am
Susan Whitfield
So true, Jacquie. I certainly wasn’t laughing during the hot flashes and night sweats, and neither was hubby.
October 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
Carolyn J. Rose
This took me back.
I was still working as a TV news producer when I went through this. I told everyone in the newsroom (all younger) that there might be mood swings and definitely would be hot flashes. They were interested and the medical reporter wanted to know when one happened so she could watch.
As it turned out, If I had a mood swing, I didn’t notice or it seemed to be just another part of the stress of making deadlines. But I often had hot flashes. Some days I would shout out “hot flash” and anyone with a free moment would snatch up a yellow legal pad and fan me.
October 22, 2012 at 10:43 am
Susan Whitfield
HaHaHa, Carolyn. You crack me up.
October 22, 2012 at 11:48 am
CTHodges
Going through menopause right now and I can’t believe I’ll ever find it funny–but thanks for giving me hope!
Can’t wait to read Slightly Cracked. I was waiting for the Kindle version and now that it’s out, I’m heading straight to Amazon to download it!
Thanks for joining us today. You definitely brightened up my Monday!
Caitlyn
October 22, 2012 at 11:50 am
Cindy Sample
Hi Susan. I loved this! And I’m ordering SLIGHTLY CRACKED now. At my former office, the guys couldn’t wait for me to go through menopause so they could turn the A/C up (I was always cold). The best part is that once it’s over you live in an estrogen free zone which guarantees constant happiness:-)
October 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Susan Whitfield
Thanks for joining in, Caitlyn and Cindy.
October 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Nikki Andrews
I’d been waiting for menopause ever since I was 13. I’ll gladly take the hot flashes–which only last a few minutes–over three days of cramps. The chin hairs give me an excuse to get up from the computer. Not thrilled with the mustache and the leaks. On the other hand, I haven’t had a migraine in eight years. Hooray! Thanks for making me laugh.
October 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Susan Whitfield
Nikki, you’re proof that menopause is not ALL bad. Thanks for weighing in on the discussion.
October 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Wendy Dingwall
Whew! I had an early and a rather short menopause, but your article did bring back certain sweaty memories. The book sounds hilarious. By the way, where can I find that funnel? LOL. Anyway, thanks, Susan for giving me some fun this Monday morning.
Thanks, Maggie for bringing Susan into your DOD fold!
October 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Susan Whitfield
Wendy, try http://www.go-girl.com…Yes, really. lol
October 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Marni Graff
Great post, Susan, a prelude to what’s in store for Slightly Cracked readers!
October 22, 2012 at 2:05 pm
radine
Okay, it’s really funny. But my first reaction? How great to find an honest woman! This is a must-have book.
October 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Susan Whitfield
Radine, if you knew me you’d know I seldom mince words. LOL. Not many women want to discuss menopause at all. I decided to tackle it by using two lifelong friends with plenty of other issues as well. I hope you enjoy the book.. Marni, thanks again for reading chapters of the rough draft and helping me straighten out a few things. Your help was priceless.
October 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm
Susan Whitfield
WOW! I can’t thank the dames enough for the post. The founder/owner of Go-Girl just got in touch with me about some promotion. Cool, huh? Check out http://www.facebook.com/GoGirl for the promo about Slightly Cracked and a chance to order your very own Go-Girl.
October 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm
christytilleryfrench
Susan, I thought you were pulling our legs about the funnel but just checked it out. What a great concept!
October 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Susan Whitfield
I know, Christy. I have a tiny bladder and this is so cool for those of us out in the country too far between bathrooms. Great idea, indeed.
October 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Anita Page
Susan, years ago I was in a fabric store in the mountains of North Carolina and saw this sign over the cash register: “It’s not a hot flash, it’s a power surge.” Words to live by.
Love the post and look forward to reading your book.
October 22, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Susan Whitfield
Thanks, Anita.
October 22, 2012 at 6:04 pm
lorettawheeler
OMG! I’m still whooping! I’m safe though…”I” have on a “laughing pad” …I’ve been out with the girls today, and know to put on a little something extra for …ahem, moisture:) So, I can laugh away:)
I am going to look for a funnel though, never heard of that puppy…I sailed through the Ozarks recently, and was in mortal terror at one point, hoping for a place of “convenience”. Now, if I’d only had a funnel…;)
Great blog Susan, looking forward to reading your book…and I’m taking notes!:)
Lo
October 22, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Susan Whitfield
Lo, you’re a scream. Yep, if you’ve ever been caught in that kind of situation, you start looking for a way to solve the problem so that you
CAN laugh and not have to worry about it.
October 22, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Mary Daly
As I read Susan’s description, I had tears of laughter running down my legs. Bring on the “Go Girl”!
October 22, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Susan Whitfield
LOL! Mary! You are so funny:-)
October 23, 2012 at 10:13 am
Lissa Brown
Susan, I’m still laughing. I was one ofthe lucky ones who didn’t experience that stuff but now I’m wishing I had. What a gold mine of humor material!
October 23, 2012 at 11:57 am
christytilleryfrench
In my Bodyguard series, Natasha’s mom is going through menopause and I have so much fun writing her. Thanks for giving me some more things to add, Susan!
October 23, 2012 at 10:24 am
Dave
Susan you gave new meaning to the term – men o pause. Great post on a serious subject. I love the fact I no longer must make midnight dashes for feminine products. Much luck with the book. My wife is getting a copy so I can read it when she’s finished.
October 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Susan Whitfield
Dave, I’m glad you checked in. I think you’re the only man strong enough to handle the topic. LOL. Best wishes to you and your wife. Lissa, you’re one lucky gal. Christy, glad I could add material for you:-)
October 25, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Linda
I can’t wait to read this book. I know Susan personally, and I’m sure it will be every bit as personable as she is. I love Susan’s books.
October 26, 2012 at 9:48 am
Joyce Scarbrough
Loved it, Susan! And I admire your candor.
October 27, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Susan Whitfield
LOL. Thanks, Joyce. People who know me say I tell it like it is:-)
October 31, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Susan Whitfield
L.J. Garland won the free book!